THREE SOLDIERS GET CAUGHT PLAYING HUMPHREY, FRANCHOT AND VICTOR WHILE ON DUTY

By Cpl. C.V. DeVan

After five straight days Kelly, Goldstein and Stetson began to get tired of practicing beach landings. So they welcomed the chance to help the engineers lay a wire road over the sand. They were even happier when they were told to go and gather stakes.



They wandered off behind the sand dunes, picking up stakes. In a short time they got tired of that, too. They were just knocking around, throwing stakes at each other, when Kelly started it.humphrey franchot victor three soldiers humor



“Hey, look at me,” he hollered, “I’m Humphrey Bogart in ‘Sahara’.”

With that he staggered up the dune. When he reached the top he shaded his eyes with his hand and looked out at the ocean. He turned slowly.

“Men, there’s nothing. Nothing but sand.”

“Hell,” broke in Stetson, “I can do better than that. Look at me. I’m Franchot Tone in ‘Five Graves to Cairo’.”

He took a couple of steps then fell flat on his face at the bottom of the dune. After a moment he raised his head, wiped the sand out of his eyes and peered at the nothingness of it all.

“Not bad,” commented Goldstein,” but what about Victor McLaglen in ‘The Lost Patrol’? That really was acting.”

He picked up a stake, cradled it like a heavy machine gun and charged up the dune. When he got to the top he shouted: “All right, you bastards, come and get me!”

Then he started spraying his stake machine gun, making noises with his mouth.

After he finished they changed characters, Goldstein was playing Franchot when they were interrupted; he was raising his head to wipe the sand out of his eyes when he saw two legs. The legs belonged to a major.

The major called the three over and asked them what they were doing. They told him they were gathering stakes. The major took their names and company and told them to tell their first sergeant that they were on KP the next day. Then he told them to get busy and gather some stakes.

In the afternoon they were still gathering stakes Stetson was on top of a dune.

“Hey,” he called out, “Look at me, I’m Franchot”. Goldstein was Humphrey peering into the distance and Kelly became Victor, blazing the machine gun. Then Goldstein turned around to find himself peering into the eyes of a colonel who had been watching the entire act.



The colonel wanted to know what they were supposed to be doing. They told him they were supposed to gather stakes. The colonel took their names and told them to tell their first sergeant to put them on KP the next day. As he walked away he said: “Now pretend you’re soldiers gathering stakes.”

After the colonel had gone the three discussed the situation.

“Well,” said Stetson, “it looks like we’re on KP tomorrow.”

“I guess we are,” said Goldstein.

“Yes, I guess we are,” said Kelly.

They thought about this for a while Then Goldstein broke out.

“Hey, look at me. I’m Victor.”

He picked up a stake, cradled it like a heavy machine gun and charged up the dune. When he got to the top he shouted: “All right, you bastards, come and get me!”

Then he started spraying his stake machine gun and making noises with his mouth.



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